After weeks, months, years, decades, ages of moving forward - we had to stop. For a moment. Not because we wanted to. Not because we were tired. And certainly not because we had nowhere left to go. We stopped because we didn’t see it coming. We stopped because we were losing people faster and out of order. We stopped, not necessarily because we were scared for ourselves, but to save the ones we love. We stopped disregarding distance. We stopped assuming we knew best. We stayed connected, but we stopped being we. We were left with I. I stopped. And I realized: I love and I am loved and I am alone and I am part of something bigger and I am scared and I am strong and I can hold it all at once and I barely know it. How great it would be to know it. How great it would be to know myself, well. How great it would be to love myself, fully. When did I stop? I loved knowing, not myself, but what’s next. The next project, the next paycheck, the next award, the next milestone, the next house, the next tax bracket, the next me. But I am not what comes next. I am here, now. How lucky.
Artwork by Jessie Mahon